Ace-allo relationships

I am not asexual, but my husband is. he is one of those that doesn’t mind having sex, and has fun with it when i ask, but he never asks/initiates and I’m ok with that. Frankly I’d be ok if he never wanted to do it. while i enjoy sex, it’s not the end all be all of a relationship. we don’t often, but that’s mostly a me thing. he assured me that i can ask whenever, but he won’t bring it up himself because he just doesn’t think of it, but i still feel like I’m being pushy sometimes when i ask lol. i’ve been with him for five years though and i plan to be with him the rest of my life. it’s not an issue for me.

– Anonymous

I'm in an ace/allo relationship. My husband and I have been together for ~9 years now, married for ~3. I just found out a couple of months ago that I was ace. I was honestly terrified. I didn't know what it might mean for us. It became apparent when I came out to my husband, that sex was something that was very important for him in our relationship. I don't know if we could make it work if I was sex-repulsed, and I haven't asked because honestly I don't really want to know the answer to that question.

To really make things work, we have been very open about communication. What he needs to feel loved, and what I need. I'm super monogamous for the most part, so an open relationship is just not something I'm at all comfortable with. We talk a lot about things, sometimes more than we need to, but it's honestly helped. I try to keep a mental note (or an actual one) to initiate every so often (as he needs that I guess). I don't mind doing it, and I enjoy making him happy, but it can definitely all feel a bit silly at times. Honestly I've definitely felt better about things since coming out and accepting myself. I'm a lot more relaxed, and I feel less pressure when being intimate with my husband, because I know it's ok I don't feel the same way he does.

– Nimure